About Unwritten

When I tell people my partner and I have never once quarrelled, I usually get one of three reactions. A warm smile and “That’s lovely.” A curious, drawn-out “Really?” Or the half-joking shade “That’s not possible,” “Wait till you’ve been together longer,” “That’s not normal.”

I’ve realised their reaction says more about them than it does about us. For some, it’s genuine happiness. For others, our peace challenges what they believe relationships are supposed to be. If they’ve accepted fights, drama, or cold wars as inevitable, then hearing about a relationship without them feels like hearing about a world that rewrites their rules.

One night, I was out with a few of my party-girl friends. Between drinks, the conversation slid to relationships, and someone laughed (genuinely shocked) when I said Julian and I had never quarrelled. The others piled on with disbelief, subtle digs, and that knowing tone people use when they’ve already decided you’re lying to yourself. I came home and told Julian about it, still half in disbelief myself not at their reaction, but at how quickly the mood had shifted from fun to defensive. That night ended up being the last time I saw them :’) Not because of drama, but because I realised I don’t need to defend my happiness to people who are looking for cracks.

We don’t avoid fights by pretending problems don’t exist. We talk before they become arguments worth slamming doors over. We listen without trying to win. Most importantly, we don’t use words we can’t take back. It’s not luck. It’s not avoidance. It’s a daily choice to protect what we’re building.

If that unsettles someone, I let it. I’m not here to convince them it’s possible, I’m here living it. And sometimes, disbelief is just another way of saying, “I wish I had that.”